advent for a year

Of late, I've been pondering the religious assumptions of my life. Not my faith assumptions, like the merit of following Jesus, God embodied in the life of Jesus, forgiveness, salvation (although not classically defined) etc. But more, the presumptions of "church" as the standard bearer and paradigm for living. It all started with a listening conversation of a good friend who was planning (is now doing) a ministry placement with the "churched" and "unchurched". "What do you suppose the 'unchurched' call themselves?" I asked......and have not stopped thinking about this.

I am one who is 4th generation Church of the Brethren, and have always known church as the present paradigm for my living. I'm ok with that. I have been one of the few lucky ones to have been brought up in loving, caring, thoughtful church families. My faith and religion is pretty solid, and has created me to be a good neighbor and a woman of open faith. Blessed be all of those churches that nurtured me.

But I find myself thinking about what it would be like to live without the presumption of church and church language. How does one express pure joy, transcendence, selflessness, community giving....without the words of the church? I'm certainly not saying that it can't be done. On the contrary! I want to know how to do it! I want to know what it is like to experience what I call God, without naming it so.

Our online hometown paper has a number silly and embarrassing chat threads going. Oh, how the pontificating just makes everyone look a little stupid. There was a thread about what good does christianity do. There was also the converse thread of what harm does christianity do. In neither case was my form of christianity cited. It was all about heaven/hell/judgement/narrowmindedness.

But, out of that blathering thread of inane thought, I've started thinking about what is the difference between the Kiwanis and the church? (I'm not picking on the Kiwanis. Rotarians and Ruritans fit as well).

Both are organizations that meet weekly, have words that express belief, some fun and fellowship, and they do good. I would say that probably most Kiwanians go to church somewhere.

I don't have the answer to the differences, and I think that this is ok. Perhaps we are not so different. And I don't think its important that we can name our differences.

This past Sunday, though, I had an experience that put an underline to my sense of church participation. I was in Sunday School, which is led by a Christian Education scholar, and attended by Old Testament and church history scholars.....I have an Mdiv and work in a seminary, so God talk is a daily thing for me. I don't go to church for God education, even though I geek out a bit on the scholarship of these people, they were all my teachers and the taught me well. Nothing they present deepens my faith. it deepens my knowledge, but not my faith.

Well, anyway, we are in a series talking about lives of purpose. Elizabeth was this week. A woman from the church....an incredible woman of many years of leadership....was invited to share about her life of purpose. I know much of her call and even more of her leadership so I assumed that I would be hearing a well told but well known story.

She surprised me with a circuitous route from death (she is in her mid 70s and hopefully a long way from death) and the limits of our days.....back to how she wakes every morning to a renewed sense of call. Not CALL, as in The Call. But call. Purpose. Reason to believe that she has been granted another day for some good she can do.

Now, that was a powerful witness to me. But mostly because I kept thinking, "Where else will we hear these stories? Where does the world gather to speak of purpose? Where do those who do not attend church get to talk about living lives out of an ethic of love?" Later, in worship, we had a powerful Advent service of Lessons in Song. Choirs, children, brass, scripture text, silence, prayers of the people.....it was magnificent. No TV production could have touched the truth of love and the highlighting of waiting and watching for something great to arrive. And again, I thought, this is why I attend church. I love the people. I love the message. And where else do we get to talk and sing about hope with the expectations of its arrival?

There will be more on this, as I step away from the church in slight ways this coming year. Not a disinvestment or weakening of my commitment do I plan. But rather, a broadening of my experience. I don't need to prove that going to church is best. I am not out to prove anything for anyone. I am out to seek the holy in its many forms, and to experience my belief that "God" is in all things.

It will be advent all year for me. For I know the end point. It is what will happen between now and then that I long to discover.

Peace be,
Amysgr